I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
The struggles of a small town man whore
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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