I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
