you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
