tell your sister to shave her snatch
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
