On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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