im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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