I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
