it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
