my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
