yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
