This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Randomize
