I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Randomize
