You can't motorboat a personality
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
