I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
