my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
