There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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