Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
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