Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
