so that wasnt chicken after all
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
