I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
