non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Gay?
German.
Pity.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Randomize
