I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
