so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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