I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
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