Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
