If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
