i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
