i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Randomize
