I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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