dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
