How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
