I puked a lego.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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