Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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