wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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