Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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