why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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