should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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