watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
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