I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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