it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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