I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
