i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Just high enough for therapy.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
