Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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