according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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