so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
