I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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