Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
