then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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