life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
