my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize