For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
