if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
