i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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