i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
