so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
