we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize