My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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