You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
