I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Randomize
