ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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