He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Randomize
