i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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