It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize