Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
