ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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