Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
