chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
