just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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