I'm jealous of your bromance
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
